the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
