yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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