Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
