She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
