So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
