she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
