my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
