Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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