I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just found puke in my bra..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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