Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
