If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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