dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
