she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize