do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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