hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
