the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize