Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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