Redeem this text for a blowjob
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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