Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
