Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
