It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
