meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
