Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize