she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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