WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
