i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
