how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
