1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
