that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
