is your mom at the bar?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
