Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
