I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My balls are so social today.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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