He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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