Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
send nudes
from the living room?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
