return my video game
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
