Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
