you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
