I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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