I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
