I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
soo... how was my night?
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