I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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