I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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