It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
one two three fourrrrnication!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
