smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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