The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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