Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
