I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
