you're like a bully in the Christmas story
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They took my balls.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
