so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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