Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
