So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
