the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
