I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
