Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
