i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
