There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
me + whiskey = a bad person
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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