i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Someone came in the potted fern
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
