i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
