Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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