How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
