im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
