Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
