Yo dont text me then not text me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
