So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize