So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
