So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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