Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
