It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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