Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
