remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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