There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
