He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
