fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
