This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
