i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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